I still love you, but I’m very disappointed in you California. Go stand in the corner for half an hour and think about what you did.

Because John Scalzi said it better than I:

Election List X: Some of The Horrible Things That Will Happen To You If You Don’t Vote

1. Your penis will fall off. If you are a woman, you will grow a penis, which will then fall off.
2. Your peers will point and laugh at you more than they already do.
3. You will have to listen to smug voters say “if you didn’t vote, you can’t complain” for at least two years.
4. You will be consumed by pillbugs whilst you sleep. They will leave behind nothing but your penis, which as you’ll recall, has already fallen off.
5. You will smell of sour buttermilk until the next New Hampshire primary.
6. Uncontrolled flatulence.
7. Cars will swerve to hit you, even when you are inside your own home.
8. Your World of Warcraft party will turn on you and smite you mightily.
9. Impotence. And not just because your penis has fallen off.
10. Stairs will rise to trip you.
11. Boils. In Biblical plague amounts.
12. Static cling that no amount of Bounce sheets will ever cure.
13. Your cat will take a dump somewhere in the house that you will never find, and the smell will be carried through the air vents for months, all the while the cat will stare at you with that “you’re a real asshole” look they sometimes have. If you do not have a cat, one will be provided for you for the length of time required for it to crap in said undisclosed location.
14. Your credit card will be canceled and your creditors will send someone to repossess your penis. Which has fallen off.
15. Your favorite TV show will be canceled and every time you try to buy the last season on DVD, retailers will be out of stock.
16. Your children will disown you. If you have no children, you will be summarily adopted by a family, and when you attend Thanksgiving at their home, you will be told how disappointed they are in you. For six hours straight. After which they will disown you.
17. Your cabbies will henceforth always take the long route to any destination to which you travel.
18. Zombies, and you without a shotgun.
19. Everyone on your street will win the lottery. You will get a rock.
20. I swear to God, I will learn your address, come to your house, and when you open the door, I will totally kick you in the nads. Which will hurt even more because they’re the only reproductive organs you have left. Because your penis has fallen off.
I trust now you will be sufficiently motivated to vote.
The election lists are now completed. Thank you for your attention.

It snowed yesterday. It snowed. Granted, it was a mix of rain and snow, but it still required me to dig out the ice scraper for my car to clean off the white stuff and it’s not even Halloween yet. Today flurries of white harbingers of snowy doom floated around. I shouldn’t be picturing spending hours with a shovel and my inhaler yet.

Monday I helped my mom drag the snow blower out of the cellar. She pulled it up the steps by the handle and I was handling the business end. Somehow in the process she managed to let go and the damn thing landed/rammed into my right knee, which is now a technicolor mess and slightly gashy on account of the fact that the blade was what made contact. I worked the guilt angle, along with some jokes about the Roadrunner and Wile E. Coyote so now she’s making me some sour kimchi soup with dumplings to make up for it. Yummy cold weather goodness.

The 18th was Rob and my fifth anniversary. Despite being sick he made a romantic dinner (honey lime chicken) and stay upright for about an hour or so before the room began to swim. Have I mentioned lately how much I love my boyfriend? Tons. He also wrote me the sweetest letter.

We’re both still trying to kick nagging coughs. Copious amounts of tea have been downed. Many hours of television have been watched huddled under korean blankets.

/end of whining.

Driving to and from New Jersey in rainy conditions is now to be filed under “not fun”. Add to the mix the fact that I’ve gotten very little sleep in the past two days and you have one cranky Monica. Right now I’m still in a f%^K Jersey mood. There needs to be a Korean supermarket closer to where I live. I did get a yummy lunch out of it. MMmmmmm…. bulgogi roll.

Did I write lately that I love my boyfriend? I happened to mention to him that watching Supernatural has been chipping away at my decade-old aversion to AC/DC (thanks Mary Ellen for killing AC/DC for me) and last night he presented me with two burned cds, complete with track lists.

I also think I forgot to mention incredibly boring and painful jury duty was earlier in the month. Got picked out of the jury pool to possibly sit on a case that was supposed to last about 2 weeks. 9 hours of sitting on a hard pew while being questioned by attorneys. If only I had been able to stay down in the other room. At least then I would have been able to read one of the three books I brought (always be prepared). A girl from high school was on the possible jury, as well as my high school vice-principal. Small world.

Listening to everybody trying to find “hardships” to get them out of jury duty was sort of fun. Everything from “I’m on medication that makes me have to poop often” to “I’m on medication that makes me have to go pee a lot”. The absolute winner was some (very attractive) young man who was going to Iraq the following Wednesday with the National Guard. Everyone applauded, but they still made him sit until nearly the end of the day. They finally let him go an hour or so before the rest of us and everyone clapped again. Nice kid.

I received a check for $9.26 for jury duty. At least they validated parking.

I need to remember to call downtown to see if I have to report for jury duty Friday morning. I’m already wondering which stack of books to cram into my bag to last the day.

Rob and I went to the Wyoming County fair on Sunday with a group of his friends. I came home with 1/2 pound of yummy fudge, a queasy stomach, and a headache. Also a bit of sunburn. I had a wonderful time, queasy stomach notwithstanding. The queasiness was due to the second to last ride, something called the Gravitron. It’s a circular ride where you stand against the wall while the whole room spins. The operator guy gives a warning that if you are chewing gum YOU WILL DIE. It’s all about centrifugal force… and that I am really old. Right at the point where you get stuck to the wall like my stomach loudly yelled, “I do not like this!” and I started to get a horrible crink in my neck. I had fun, but I was really glad when it ended. Until the tiny kid next to me piped up that he once went on it forty times in a row. My stomach turned over in sympathy and horror.

The highlight was Brandon, Brian, Rob and myself cramming ourselves into a single Tilt-a-whirl pod-thing and spinning madly while laughing like lunatics. We were probably the oldest people on the ride, but we were also having the most fun. Those things are not made to hold four adults though.

The lowlight was the lamest circus I have ever seen. It was free so I shouldn’t complain, but screw that. I’ve never seen clowns bomb before. It was oddly fascinating, in a train-wreck sort of way. While hiding behind the canvas and waiting for Lori we were accosted by an extremely husky Ronald McDonald who clambered out of a van behind the circus tent. Seriously, the guy looked more like a professional wrestler than a jolly clown. He asked to get his picture taken with the babies, but it looked more like a promo where Gorilla Monsoon would walk out with a microphone and spittle (and fists) would start flying.

Also over the weekend Rob and I crammed in two movies he had somehow passed his childhood without seeing- Lethal Weapon and RoboCop (which they have no need to remake). He found LW surprisingly enjoyable (even with me cheering loudly whenever Murtaugh would proclaim that he was too old for this shit) and he loved the real explosions (”Look! Debris! And some of it’s out of focus!”) CGI be damned.

I kind of am amazed that I was allowed to watch them when I was younger. What was practically the opening shot of LW caused me to exclaim “boobs!” and RoboCop contains a lot of ultraviolence.

In short: I love my parents. Movies are better with less special effects. Rob’s friends were fantastic as always. Fudge is good.

The end. Finally.